he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
