C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You ruined the universe
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