Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
