I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
