she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
