I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
