Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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