For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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