you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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