I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
