69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
