opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
