"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
