I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Bring me that man meat
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
