i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
