I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
