She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
