i don't like sucking hair
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
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