so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
