i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
