I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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