Well douche your snatch and let's go!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
