i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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