We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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