we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
