i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
