quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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