Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize