Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
