I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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