I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
