I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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