Will you blow on my dice?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
