Got a toothbrush?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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