lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
