i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
