I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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