i need an iv and a liver transplant
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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