I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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