Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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