I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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