Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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