Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
