On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
