Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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