he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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