like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
where does the pee come out of this thing
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
