I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
