Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
