1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
