Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize