We're like a lot better than the average bears
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize