the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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