Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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