First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
