everyone is single if you try hard enough
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
