fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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