At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
