I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
