Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
