Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
