I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize