So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
