Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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