I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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