I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
