when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize