Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
