I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
