my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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