he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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