just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize