am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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