even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This baby is an asshole
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
