Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
