watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
