You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
