bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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