Where is the hickey?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize