so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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