I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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