so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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