WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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